If London had a national sport, it wouldn’t be football it would be escalator management. The Tube’s escalators are not simply moving stairs; they are sacred conveyors of order, tradition, and passive-aggressive fury. And if you’re a tourist, you need to understand how to use them properly. This isn’t optional. This isn’t negotiable. This is survival.

In London, escalators run deep underground, sometimes several stories down. Angel Station boasts the longest escalator in the entire Underground, measuring a thigh-trembling 60 metres. Meanwhile, Hampstead Station’s are so deep they feel like a descent into another dimension. These escalators are more than transport; they’re an experience. And, apparently, a battlefield.

Rule One: Stand on the right. Not the left. Not the sort-of-middle. The right. The left side is the sacred lane for walkers, Londoners who have decided that waiting is for the weak and they absolutely must stride up the escalator as if their life depends on it. If you dare to stand on the left, you will cause a traffic jam that could ripple through the city’s transportation grid like a butterfly effect of chaos.

You’ll feel the energy behind you shift. Someone will cough loudly. Someone else will shift their weight in the unmistakable “I’m being inconvenienced but can’t say anything because I’m British” way. The man behind you may mutter “unbelievable” under his breath. That’s British for “move or perish.”

Rule Two: Keep your belongings close. Your massive backpack full of souvenirs from the Tower of London? Keep it in front of you. Your coat? Hold it. Your shopping bags? Consolidate. Escalators are tight spaces, and hitting someone in the head with your Primark shopping haul is very much Frowned Upon.

Rule Three: No stopping. If you realize halfway up that you left your biscuit tin in the station gift shop, do not stop. There is no stopping on a Tube escalator. The forces of pedestrian momentum will simply carry you along while you quietly mourn your forgotten snacks.

Rule Four: Move swiftly at the top. The escalator will spit you out into a rapidly moving crowd. If you pause, even for a second, you risk creating a human pile-up. This isn’t the airport; there’s no space to reorganize your belongings while gently digging for your passport. This is the Tube. Velocity is your friend.

Mastering escalator etiquette is more than cultural understanding, it’s your ticket to being accepted, even briefly, into the daily madness of London commuting. Get it right, and you’ll earn the silent respect of hundreds of people who never asked to share an escalator with you. Get it wrong, and you’ll feel the collective disappointment of the city pressing down on you.

So, stand on the right, walk on the left, keep moving, and for heaven’s sake, don’t block the top. Welcome to London.