Londoners avoid eye contact with the same determination that cats avoid baths. On the Tube, looking directly at another human is almost taboo, not because anyone is unfriendly, but because Tube travel is a sacred ritual of quiet mutual ignoring.

If you’re from a culture where smiling at strangers is normal, brace yourself: doing that here may cause panic. People will assume you want something. Money. Directions. Their soul. No one can be sure.

Tube etiquette dictates that you focus on one of the following approved activities:

1. The Book Stare.
Hold a book (doesn’t matter if you’re reading). Keep your eyes fixed on the middle of the page. Occasionally turn pages for realism.

2. The Phone Scroll.
The preferred modern method. Scroll endlessly. Look thoughtful. Pretend you’re reading something meaningful and not watching a video of a raccoon stealing cat food.

3. The Middle Distance Glare.
Stare at a vague point above everyone’s heads, like you’re contemplating the meaning of life or remembering something embarrassing from ten years ago. This is the default London stare.

4. The Reflection Gaze.
Use the glass as a mirror to look anywhere except directly at a person. A true mark of a seasoned commuter.

Prolonged eye contact is reserved for special Tube characters:

• The eccentric person ranting about lizard overlords
• The man eating a full curry at 8 a.m.
• The child who insists on making faces at you

You may break eye contact rules for children, they’re the only acceptable exception. If a toddler stares at you, go ahead and smile. Everyone will understand. Children are the ambassadors of social acceptability on public transport.

Why all the avoidance? Because the Tube is a pressure cooker of humanity. People are tired. People are stressed. People are sharing a tiny metal box hurtling through tunnels. Eye contact introduces unnecessary complexity.

So, don’t look too long. Don’t smile too much. Keep your gaze neutral and your expression soft but uninterested, like a squirrel contemplating nuts.

In time, you’ll master the art of looking at everything and nothing simultaneously. Then, and only then, will you blend seamlessly into the London Underground ecosystem.